Every Month, Without Fail

There are certain things that I can count on happening every month, and they always come through. These things include the grass needing to be cut yet again (you would think it would just stop growing already), another deadline looming over Kevin's head, the numbers on the scale not showing me what I would like to see, and Kaiser giving me a hard time when I try to pay my bill over the phone.

Our dearest insurance company, Kaiser, gives us a hard time every single month. We don't have insurance through work, so we pay out of pocket every month for coverage, and every month I call the number listed on the bill sent to me to pay over the phone. Of course you get an automated system (I call her Hilda) that needs to know such things as what time you got up this morning, how many eggs you have left in the house and the current price of gas in our neighborhood before Hilda will even give you options. The options, as usual, are vague and misleading, but after months of calling I have figured out the best way to navigate through Hilda.

The first lesson I have learned in calling them is that the number listed will take you to a local call center, but to make a payment you need to be connected to California. Unfortunately the number they have given me for the California office the last four months doesn't work, therefore you must call the local office, and ask to be connected to the California office. Now, 50% of the time the lovely call center person will instead transfer you back to the beginning of Hilda's message so that you can again tell them when you last did laundry and how many toothbrushes you have gone through this year. Again, when you finally get to yet another person you take the chance that they will connect to you to the correct office and hopefully you can make a payment. One month I called them 5 times before getting through to California.

Last month when I called Kaiser I explained how this has been a problem each and every month. They kindly assured me they were aware of the problem and taking steps to fix it in the coming weeks. They also let me in on magic words to say so that if I was not actually connected to California, the local office CAN take a payment!

So with great anticipation I called them this month, knowing they were working on the problem and if all else failed I knew the magic words. I called and told Hilda what I ate for lunch and how many diapers I have changed today. To my astonishment Hilda connected me straight to CA, totally bypassing the whole local office! I told the wonderful call center lady I needed to make a payment and she kindly told me she could help. I told her when I last changed my oil and how many pictures are hanging in our house and she brought up our information. I was already getting a little giddy at how easy this was and then she took out an anvil and squashed my excitement right into the ground. She told me that they will only accept payment over the phone for your first copay and no matter how much I tried to tell her that I did every month, she would not budge. I don't know why I was so surprised. I guess it really has been another month, hasn't it?

(PS. Okay, so she called me back three minutes later and told me that she messed up and that I can in fact pay over the phone. Still, why can't it ever just be easy to give them my money!)