Verdict Has Been Given

***The following verdict was given by Kevin's former classmate. It is hard to turn off that whole lawyer thing. I laughed pretty hard while I read this. It made my day, so here it is.***

The Court of Parents ("Court"), being duly advised of the evidence for and against Bennett ("Defendant")as a "neat freak" as well as the testimony of witnesses above, makes the following findings of fact, conclusions of law and order:

FINDINGS OF FACT:

1)Although the evidence presented to the Court portrays Defendant as what appears to be an animal of the bovine nature, the Court finds that said Defendant is in fact a human.

2) Defendant likes clean hands.

3) Defendant takes all necessary actions to ensure that trash is properly dispensed in receptacles.

4) Defendant maintains a "crumb" and "spill" free floor.

5) Defendant likes to be dry and smell good.

6) Defendant maintains a dust free environment through the use of said "wipes."

7) Defendant likes clean hands.

8) Defendant is two years of age.

CONCLUSIONS OF LAW:

1) Under Bennett v. Parents, 333 Hawaii 999, 139 P.2d 1130 (2008), Defendant is legally entitled to the appellation of "Neat Freak."

2) Under Melanie v. Kevin , 240 Hawaii 134, 339 P.3d 2000 (2010), Defendant is entitled to all costs and reasonable fees incurred in this suit to be paid by ways of cookies and ice cream.

ORDER:

1) Defendant must maintain the appellation of "Neat Freak" until such time as Defendant is married, at which point in time his future wife may present evidence to this Court contrary to the findings of fact above, and move this Court for an Order stripping Defendant of said legal title, and an Order compelling Defendant to act in conformity with the Findings of Fact above.

2) Until such time as Defendant no longer resides with his parents, said parents are entitled to:

1) Expect Defendant to continue in conformity with the Findings of Fact above;

2) Demand any and all necessary action on the part of Defendant to clean any and all messes on the floor or other area of his place of residence, including, but not limited to all messes, crumbs, or other disorderly items ("Messes"), as designated by his parents, whether or not such Messes are caused by Defendant, his parents, or his siblings; and

3) At a certain age, to be determined by his parents, Defendant is ordered to cease and desist wearing diapers, and any subsequent powdering of his bum shall be his sole responsibility.

IT IS SO ORDERED.